How do we, as Christians, decipher the difference between

Satan trying to keep us from something because he knows there is great potential for us to be blessed or used by God

and

God protecting us or asking us to wait for His best?

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This is a question that I think every Christian faces at some point in their life, if not all the time (like me). Now, I’m in no way claiming that I have this all figured out, because I definitely do not, but I have learned a lot lately and today, I want to share my heart on the matter with you.

There is a very special place in my heart for Haiti. I had wanted to go for a long time before God opened the door for me to go for the first time in 2012. My first trip was overwhelming and eye-opening, but it was really my second trip that changed my life. Instead of going with no idea what to expect and spending the majority of the time “breaking down walls,” or what you might call getting to know the people, I arrived in Jacmel for the second time to friends, having earned their trust, and knowing (pretty much) what my time there would be like.

This December is my next trip to Haiti, and although I can hardly wait to be back on Haitian soil, it has been a very rocky emotional roller coaster leading up to it to say the least. I feel called to go, no question. I want to go, no question. But, somewhere, deep within my heart, I’ve kind of thought in the back of my mind for several months that I wasn’t actually going to go. I’ve thought that something isn’t quite right. I’ve focused on reasons why I shouldn’t go.

But here’s the key (and this was only revealed to me after prayer and seeking lots of Godly council)- if God is the one speaking to you, warning you, protecting you – He is most likely not going to do it through dissension and hurt feelings. I was allowing unforgiveness, frustration with lack of leadership, and sensitivity to distract me from the whole reason I’m going to Haiti in the first place (which is for Jesus). Instead of remembering that if God calls me, He will equip me, I was too busy thinking about what so-and-so did that made me mad, or how so-and-so left me out, or what so-and-so said that hurt my feelings. None of that matters. All that matters is my obedience to God, and that means tunnel vision. Not looking to the right, not looking to the left, but simply focused on the task God has set before me. Obedience to God is a prize.

It’s so clear to me now, that this lack of confidence and abundance of doubt came straight from Satan. John 10:10 says that “the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy” and that’s exactly what he was trying to do to me. He was trying to steal my passion for missions, he was trying to kill my joy, and he was trying to destroy my desire to obey the call God has placed on my life. He filled me with such a feeling of unworthiness and lack of zeal for the adventure of service set before me. That’s not God. Jesus calls us to live an abundant life, and He loves us too much for this kind of confusion and hurt to ever come from Him.

I hope that if you are going through a similar struggle, this short little glimpse into what God’s laid on my heart has helped you and reminded you of His abounding love for us. You’re loved more than you’ll ever know by Someone who died to know you. Keep your eyes on the prize.