Yesterday, I was mopping and my toddler ran across the room. I was already tired from picking up toys, doing several loads of laundry, unloading the dishwasher, dusting, cleaning the bathrooms, scrubbing a few baseboards, and vacuuming, and I was just trying to hurry and finish so I could get Landon down for his afternoon nap and finally sit down and rest for a few minutes. Of course my first thought as he bee-bopped across the wet floor was oh Lord, please don’t slip and fall, but you know what my second thought was? I was frustrated. Look at those footprints all over my freshly mopped floor!
I didn’t say anything, but maybe Landon could sense my aggravation… or maybe Jesus just wanted to remind me of the fact that this little life He’s entrusted me to shepherd is more important than anything else. My Mama always says, “listen for the Lord’s whispers.” Because, right about that time, that sweet little blonde haired boy wrapped his little arms around my leg, looked up at me with a big grin on his face and said, “hey Mama!” You better believe my heart was a puddle… right there on that freshly mopped floor.
He probably thinks I’m a lunatic, because I just bursted out crying (in all of my 25-weeks-pregnant-scrubbing-baseboards glory). I realized – I had done it again. I had let my blessing become a burden, and without even realizing it, I had cared more about “getting the job done” or “finishing what I started” than the little boy who just needs his Mama. Talk about a humbling that can only come from Jesus. I can barely even type this through the tears that just keep coming – but let me tell you, friends… when we become more consumed with the task at hand than the little spirits we are responsible for shaping… we’ve fallen into a very dangerous trap.
It’s so easy to share the good. The best parts of our lives, the smiling faces, the happiest moments… but, I think the moments like this need to be shared too. The Mama, still in her nightgown at 2:37pm without a trace of makeup, her hair on top of her head, and a mop in her hand. The dusty baseboards and the food caked onto highchairs. The cries in the middle of the night that have us fumbling into the nursery, swaying back and forth until the tears stop and the babies are sound asleep again. The four outfit changes before leaving the house because nothing seems to fit right and we feel so frustrated with our bodies, then guilty because we know that the life growing inside of us is the greatest gift and we should be proud of our growing bellies. The tears that come when reminders from Jesus are spoken through little mouths and tiny hands, and the tug of our hearts to share the stories that shape us.
This is honest motherhood. And I pray that you’ll be encouraged to listen for His whispers and reminded to never let your blessings become burdens.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”